


Hurts Like Hell

by buffymysavior



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, Angsty Lucas, Angsty Riley, Crying, F/M, Insecure Riley, Love Triangles, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, winter formal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-06 05:38:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14050083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buffymysavior/pseuds/buffymysavior
Summary: It's two months after Texas, and Riley's still lying about her feelings. No one knows how she truly feels, not even Farkle. Not yet, anyways. What happens when she attends the Winter Formal with all of her friends and her feelings are put to the test?Based off "Hurts Like Hell" by Fleurie.





	Hurts Like Hell

_/How can I say this without breaking?_

_How can I say this without taking over?/_

Riley was curling her hair as she looked at herself in the mirror. She was getting ready for the eighth-grade Winter Formal. She pinned her hair back and frowned at her reflection. No matter what she did, she couldn’t make her smile seem real enough.

The truth was that she just wasn’t feeling very happy lately.

It wasn’t the first time that she’d had that problem. It was hard to make yourself appear to be happy when you actually weren’t. She had learned that the hard way.

She smiled at herself again in the mirror. “I am Smiley Riley,” she tried to convince herself. It’s not like it would matter anyways. None of her friends seemed fazed by her fake smiles. The only one she seemed to have trouble fooling was herself.

Riley slid her dress on her shoulders. It was navy blue with glitter adorning the fabric. The makeup on her face was light, so a touch of foundation and mascara was all she really wore. Her hair was in a curled up-do, not a strand out of place. It was the first time in awhile that she felt kind of satisfied with her appearance.

However, her small victory was short lived when she remembered that Maya had the real trophy: Lucas. Since Riley had told Lucas that he was her brother in Texas, Maya had asked Lucas to the dance. It made sense after all; they were sorta dating.

It left Riley with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as she thought about Lucas dancing with her best friend.

She walked back into her room and Maya was sitting at the bay window in a striking purple dress. Riley had found Maya's outfit choice odd ever since she had picked it out; purple had always been her favorite color, not Maya's, but she ignored it. Maybe her fashion choices were rubbing off on her best friend.

A lot of her choices seemed to be rubbing off on Maya lately.

Both girls marched downstairs while complementing each other's appearances. Riley’s parents praised both girls on their outfits. “You girls look pretty enough to win princess,” Topanga smiled. Every Winter Formal, there was a prince and princess for the dance, and Riley had always wanted to win. It was the only thing that she could find positive about the night ahead of her.

Her parents insisted on taking pictures, and she forced a smile as she placed a hand on her hip, tilting her head to the side. Maya imitated a similar position and Cory snapped another picture.

A knock on the door signaled that the others had arrived, and Cory opened the door to reveal Farkle, Zay, Smackle, and lastly, Lucas. They all stepped into the apartment and smiled at both girls.

“Ready to go, Ranger Rick?” Maya asked Lucas. He was very much distracted, however. He was staring at Riley with an awed expression marring his features. Riley felt a flutter in her chest but immediately felt guilty for feeling happy at her best friend’s expense.

Farkle nudged the blonde boy in the ribs, and Lucas snapped out of his thoughts. “Oh, uh, yeah,” he said, scratching the back of his head, noticing Maya for the first time since he had arrived. She looked at him with a painstaking annoyance.

“How about a group photo before you go?” Topanga suggested. Everyone seemed to be in agreement with the idea and gathered in a bunch. On the ends stood Riley and Zay, with Lucas, Maya, Smackle, and Farkle filling in the middle. Riley felt her breathing shallow as Lucas settled an arm around her shoulder, his other arm around Maya. She resisted the urge to squeeze her eyes shut, instead smiling through the pain. Just another day for Riley Matthews.

Everyone shuffled out the door as Maya pulled Riley and Lucas back. “Are you sure you don't want to hang out with us?” Maya asked. Riley could tell the blonde felt guilty about her best friend not having a date to the dance.

Riley shook her head. “It's okay, Peaches.” Lucas looked at her pleadingly. “Besides, I wouldn't want to dance with my brother,” she laughed nervously, the words tasting bitter in her mouth. Saying another lie made her want to scream. Lucas looked away from her, trying to hide the hurt expression on his face.

“See you later, honey!” Cory called after her. She would see him sooner rather than later; he was going to be chaperoning the dance. She gave him a weak smile and closed the door behind her friends.

_/How can I put it down into words_

_When it's almost too much for my soul alone?/_

Riley followed her friends to the subway. Everyone tried to include her in their conversations, but she continued to brush them off. She just wanted to get the whole night over with. Normally, the opportunity of a school dance excited her, but that was when she went with Lucas. Now, all she wanted to do was hide from everyone.

Lucas and Maya stood in front of Riley during their walk to the subway station. There was a considerable distance between them, and they both looked uncomfortable. Riley didn’t notice that, however; just seeing them stand together was enough to twist her stomach in knots. She hated the fact that it bothered her to see them together anymore; before this whole mess started, she wouldn't have given it a second thought. Now, it made her head spin and her chest hurt.

The six friends boarded the subway. Maya, Zay, Farkle, and Smackle sat in four empty seats on one end of the subway car. Lucas and Riley were the only two left standing. “We can sit down there,” Lucas suggested, pointing to the opposite side of the train. It would be difficult to stand with them anyways since the train was so crowded.

Riley hesitantly agreed, nervous of Maya’s annoyed glare at Lucas, and followed him. Coincidentally, the empty seats Lucas had been referring to were the priority seats they sat in on their first encounter and date.

She stood and grabbed onto the pole in front of him, this end of the subway car being less crowded. He gave her a questioning look, probably wondering why she chose to stand rather than sit next to him, but he didn’t say anything. The truth was that she was afraid to be in a close proximity with him, especially when he was 'dating' Maya.

Riley tightened her grip on the pole, but was still thrown off balance as the subway screeched to a stop. For the fourth time in her life, Riley found herself sitting on Lucas’s lap as the force sent her flying backwards into his arms. _There goes my plan to avoid him_ , she thought.

Lucas smiled up at her, the same way he always had. “You okay?” he asked, gazing into her deep brown eyes.

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, the lump that contained the truth about her feelings and all the lies she had been telling. She didn’t know how to respond; it was a loaded question that she didn’t know how to answer truthfully.

Instead, she said, “I’m fine.” Lucas looked at her quizzically, and she wondered if he knew she was lying. “I’m not sure how this keeps happening to us, though,” she said nervously.

If he noticed she was lying about her answer, he didn’t say so.  “Maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling us something.”

The feeling of butterflies twisted her stomach around, but not in the knots she was so used to feeling anymore. The fluttery, light feeling of clouds and bunnies and rainbows she only got with him.

Riley ignored the weird flutters in her stomach and climbed off his lap. “Thanks for, you know, catching me.” Lucas looked puzzled. “Again,” she added for extra measure.

He nodded, his eyebrows drawn in hurt. He was probably upset that she always seemed to change the subject when the two of them were the topic of conversation.

An awkward silence overcame both of them the rest of the subway ride. She tried to ignore the way his eyes would flicker towards her when he thought she wasn’t looking, or how his arm kept brushing hers. And she definitely _did not_ think about the thrilling feeling that always rose in her chest when she fell into his lap.

The subway halted to a stop, and Riley couldn’t have gotten off soon enough. Maya and the others followed her off the train. “You okay, Riles?” the blonde asked, a look of concern marring her face.

“I’m fine,” Riley responded, giving her a weak smile. “I’m just trying to make sure that we get to the dance on time.”

“If we leave now, we will have approximately 4.3 minutes to get to the dance,” Smackle suggested helpfully. Riley smiled fondly at her before marching towards the middle school.

Riley pushed open both of the doors and walked through the entrance. A few students lingered in the hallway, but almost everyone was in the cafeteria where the dance was being held. The six of them paid the five-dollar admission fee and headed inside.

_/I loved, and I loved, and I lost you_

_I loved, and I loved, and I lost you_

_I loved, and I loved, and I lost you/_

The group pushed through the thick crowd and Riley claimed an empty table in the corner of the room. Farkle, Smackle, and Zay headed out to the dance floor, while Lucas and Maya stood awkwardly by Riley’s table. Their eyes were fixated on the floor, and Riley glanced between them expectantly.

Lucas’s eyes flitted to Riley, and she gave him a pointed glance at her best friend. The boy cleared his throat and nervously looked at the blonde girl in front of him. “Hey, uh, Maya, do you want to dance?”

“Well, it took you long enough to ask, Huckleberry,” Maya huffed, but Riley could see that her best friend had been having a hard time asking him the same question. “You okay here, Riles?”

She plastered a smile on her face. “Of course. I’m not feeling well, anyways.” Both of them threw her a worried look before walking towards the dance floor.

Riley rested her head against her hand as she watched all of her friends jumping around to the beat of the song, her free hand playing with the delicate tulle of her dress. After a few minutes, Riley’s stomach twisted into a knot as a slow song began to play. She could visibly see Lucas and Maya in the crowd, her best friend placing her hands on Lucas’s shoulders while he put his on her hips.

_/And it hurts like hell_

_Yeah, it hurts like hell/_

She felt floored as she watched them sway to the music. Maya brought him closer as she moved her hands from his shoulders to around his neck, and he shifted to do the same, his hands now lightly around her waist. She felt tears prick her eyes. Why had she been allowed to have feelings for him all of this time? Why did her heart have to jump every time she saw him and her stomach drop when he was with her best friend?

Why did she have to love someone that wasn’t hers to have anymore?

_/I don’t want them to know the secrets_

_I don’t want them to know the way I loved you/_

Riley couldn’t take anymore. She rose out of her seat and moved to leave before she heard a familiar voice calling for her. She turned to see it was Farkle.

“Where are you going?” Farkle asked, walking towards her.

“Restroom,” she replied unfazed. “Where’s Smackle?”

Farkle chuckled. “She insisted that she dance with Zay. I wanted to come check up on you and see how you’re doing.” After a moment of silence, he continued. “So, how’re you doing?”

“Great as always,” she shrugged, giving him a small smile, before shoving past him.

“Why don’t you stop pretending, Riley?” Farkle questioned. She froze, her breathing shallow, turning back around.

“What do you mean? I’m not pretending,” she smiled.

Farkle shook his head. “I know that you still love Lucas.”

Riley felt like the rug was being pulled out from under her. She closed the distance between them and clamped a hand over his mouth. “You can’t tell anybody,” she pleaded, her eyes ploring for him to understand.

She removed the hand from his mouth and he acted like she hadn’t spoken. “I know you’re not okay and that you’re only stepping back from him for Maya and because you don’t want to lose Lucas.”

Riley looked at him in shock. “How long have you known about this?”

He took a breath and looked upset. “Ever since it happened, and I should’ve said something sooner. Tell them by the end of the night, or I will.”

_/I don’t think they’d understand it, no_

_I don’t think they would accept me, no/_

Riley’s eyes widened at his words. “Farkle, that’s not enough time!”

He shook his head. “You’ve been lying for months. It’s time to end it. Why are you so against telling everyone the truth?”

“Because they care about each other, and I can’t stand to lose either one of them!” Riley exclaimed, holding back tears. “Everyone already sees them as a couple, anyways. It’s just better this way. Please don’t say anything,” she pleaded with him, but Farkle wasn’t having it.

He stared at her for a moment in sympathy and gave her a quick hug. “You have until the dance ends,” he whispered into her hair before pulling away.

_/I loved, and I loved, and I lost you_

_I loved, and I loved, and I lost you_

_I loved, and I loved, and I lost you/_

Riley stared blankly at Lucas and Maya as they both walked towards her. “Hey, Riles,” Maya smiled. Her eyes zeroed in on the tears on her face. “Have you been crying?”

“What?” She dabbed the wetness off her face with her palms. “Oh, that last song was really sad, but I’m okay now.” Lucas and Maya threw her another concerned glance. “I’ll be back in a second,” she excused. She exited the cafeteria into the hallway and saw Charlie Gardener standing near the bathrooms. She hadn’t gone out with him since their date to the movies. The truth was that she was too overwhelmed with the current situation to start dating again, and she had told him as much. He caught her gaze and strolled over to her. “Hey, Riley. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Really? Why?” She asked out of curiosity.

“Well, I know you wanted to get over the whole Lucas and Maya thing, but do you want to dance?” His face was hopeful, and out of sheer politeness, Riley found herself accepting his offer.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” she replied. He smiled and offered her his hand, and she forced herself to take it. She didn’t feel anything holding his hand; holding hands with Lucas had been awkward, sure, but she had still felt that same nervous flutter in the pit of her stomach. Holding hands with Charlie was like holding hands with Maya or Farkle: platonic and friendly.

They sauntered back into the cafeteria, and Riley’s eyes narrowed in on Lucas and Maya. They were sitting down with all of their friends, and Riley pulled Charlie over to the table. “Hey, guys,” Riley greeted. Lucas’s smile disappeared at seeing the brunette’s hand intertwined with Charlie’s. “Cheese Souffle!” Maya exclaimed.

“What are you guys doing together?” Lucas asked, trying and failing to keep his voice indifferent. Riley could detect anger in his voice and she wasn’t sure why.

“I promised Charlie I would save him a dance,” Riley said confusedly. Farkle was giving Riley a pointed look at Lucas and Maya and she froze. “Let’s go, Charlie,” she whispered, leading him back to the dance floor.

_/And it hurts like hell_

_Yeah, it hurts like hell/_

A slow song began to play and Charlie promptly put his arms around her waist. She immediately felt uncomfortable and decided to keep her distance by settling her hands on his shoulders. She could see Lucas pulling Maya out onto the dance floor, Maya’s back facing Riley. She looked up to meet Lucas’s steady gaze, and she felt like a puddle of nerves.

She snapped her attention back to Charlie as he said something to her. “What?”

“I said you look really pretty,” he smiled patiently. Why couldn’t she just fall for Charlie? He was everything a girl could ever want: charming, sweet, caring, handsome. Why couldn’t she just like him?

Then she locked eyes with Lucas again and then she knew _exactly_ why.

“Thank you, Charlie,” she smiled warmly at him.

He nodded. “Are you okay? You seem distracted.”

She sighed. “I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.”

He looked at her with sympathy and understanding. “I get it. It’s okay to be confused every once in awhile.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course,” Charlie said. “You’re not expected to know everything.”

She gave him a polite smile. “Sometimes it feels like I am.”

The screech of a microphone emitted from the stage, and Charlie released his hold on her. Riley froze as she saw her father up on stage. “Can I have your attention, please?” He tapped the microphone for extra measure. He held an envelope in his hand. “The Winter Formal Prince and Princess are…,” he trailed off. She could clearly see that announcing the winners pained him. “Lucas Friar and Maya Hart.”

Everyone erupted into applause, but Riley felt sick to her stomach. She swore that she felt her heart breaking as she glanced over at Lucas and Maya. They were standing behind Charlie, a spotlight fixated on them, and they looked shocked. The crowd was cheering them on stage.

Cory crowned Maya and Lucas, and Riley felt Charlie’s hand gripping her wrist. “You want to go outside for a minute?”

She gave him a weak nod and followed him out of the building. He led her to a bench and they both sat down, cold breath lingering in the air. “Are you cold?” Charlie realized, shrugging off his jacket.

“Forgot my coat inside,” she mumbled, her teeth chattering. He rested the suit jacket around her shoulders. “Thanks,” she smiled.

He nodded. “I know you still have feelings for Lucas.”

She frowned, her eyes focused on the snow-covered ground. “Is it that obvious?”

He shrugged in response. “Well, your face said it all after they were announced prince and princess.”

She ignored the stinging tears in her eyes. “I’m really sorry, Charlie.”

He gave her a sad smile. “Don’t be. I hope you get things figured out with Lucas and Maya.”

She gave him a hug and tight squeeze before they both walked back into the building.

“Oh, your jacket,” she realized, handing him his suit jacket back as they reached the entrance to the cafeteria.

He smiled before taking it back. “See you, Monday, Riley.”

Riley turned towards the door and almost ran into someone. Someone tall and muscular who smelled of pine trees. Lucas’s scent brought a smile to her face until she looked up into his eyes. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes were lit with a burning anger. “Hey, Lucas,” she tried for a smile. “Congrats on getting-”

“What were you doing with him?” Lucas scowled.

Her already-weak smile faded. “I was just talking to Charlie.”

“Then why did you have his jacket?” Why was he getting so upset with her anyways? He was with Maya, not her, she thought to herself.

“It was cold outside,” she mumbled. “He was just being nice.” He looked dubious. “We were just talking.”

Lucas turned and left, seemingly even more exasperated than he had been before. She was confused on what she had done and a little hurt that he was being so cold to her.

Riley pushed through the crowd of people in the cafeteria and found all of her friends sitting at their table. Lucas’s plastic crown was thrown precariously along the table and so was Maya’s tiara. “Congrats on getting crowned,” Riley said meekly.

Lucas refused to look at her and Maya shrugged. “It was kinda cool, I guess.”

Zay piped up from watching their conversation. “Hey, Lucas, why don’t you go dance with your princess?” Riley felt a pang of hurt at the small comment. Lucas immediately shot Zay a look and he backed off. Riley knew she shouldn’t be offended: she wasn’t his princess anymore. He was with Maya and she deserved to be happy.

But why did Maya’s happiness have to kill her so much?

Farkle intervened in the conversation. “Hey, guys, the dance is going to be over soon,” he said, eyes flickering to Riley. Her own dropped to the floor. “There’s only so much time left to get your last few dances in.” She could feel the implications of his comment sink in. In less than an hour, Maya and Lucas would find out about her feelings, one way or the other. The panic of her current situation set in, and she felt fear strike in her chest.

_/Dreams fight with machines_

_Inside my head like adversaries_

_Come wrestle me free_

_Clean from the war/_

“Hey, Riley, can we talk for a minute?” Lucas asked, his eyes hopeful.

“Later,” she said, giving him a thin smile. “I just want to get one last dance in,” she lied. Her real plan was to leave so she could avoid Farkle’s public confrontation of her feelings. She knew she wouldn’t be able to tell Maya or Lucas the ugly truth, but she most definitely didn’t want to stay and watch it happen either.

“Then I’ll join you,” he said determinedly. Riley looked at him in surprise.

“But-”

Maya interrupted her. “It’s okay, Riles. He’s your brother, anyways, right?” Riley couldn’t tell who she was trying to convince more: Riley, Lucas, or herself. Both her and Lucas dropped their eyes to the floor.

“Uh, yeah,” she said, stumbling on her response. “Lucas?” He got up from his seat and followed her onto the dance floor.

_/Your heart fits like a key_

_Into the lock on the wall/_

To Riley’s dismay, a slow song began to play, and she automatically tensed. Lucas must’ve seen the panic flash on her face because he said, “Don’t worry. We’ve done this before.” With ease, Lucas put his arm around Riley’s waist, the same way he had with Maya, and she tried not to look as upset as she felt. She put her arms around his neck, trying to relax.

“So...what’d you want to talk about?” She stared at him with a tight smile on her face.

He sighed. “I wanted to apologize for getting so mad when you were with Charlie. It’s not your fault that you want to, you know,” he paused, “meet new people.”

“I broke things off with Charlie,” she suddenly blurted out. “We decided to just be friends.

Lucas failed to hide his smile. “Really? What changed?”

_/I turn it over, I turn it over_

_But I can’t escape/_

She held back the urge to tell him her true feelings. “Nothing changed. I just think that apart of me always knew it wasn’t right.”

“That’s good,” he said, giving her a genuine smile. “Because I just want you to be happy.”

There it was again. Why did he have to make it so hard for her to not like him? Once again, she found herself fighting the urge to tell him the truth. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Farkle giving her a sad look. Her limbs stiffened as she saw him walk out of her line of vision.

“Riley?” Lucas asked worriedly. His eyes softened in concern and she released her hold on him.

“I have to go,” she said, pulling away from him.

“Why? I-” She turned away and started walking out the door when she heard Farkle.

“Riley still loves Lucas!”

_/I turn it over, I turn it over/_

A hushed silence had fallen over the crowd as Riley turned around to face Lucas.

Shock marred his face, and she felt her heart sink. Frantically, she searched the crowd for Maya, and a similar expression covered her features.

She ran out the door, tears filling her eyes as she took quick steps out of the room. She could hear voices carrying from behind her, calling her name, but she didn’t stop until she was outside.

“Riley!” Lucas called out frantically, running outside after her. Maya was close behind him. She tried to hold back the heavy tears in her eyes as she glanced at two of her best friends.

_/I loved, and I loved, and I lost you/_

“Is it true?” Maya stuttered. “Do you still like him?”

Riley glanced between the two of them before nodding meekly. “I just wanted you guys to be happy. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Maya and Lucas stared at her in worry and shock. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed, pulling away from the two before running off.

This time, she made sure they didn’t follow her.

_/I loved, and I loved, and I lost you/_

She reached the subway station and it took her a few minutes to board the train. She grabbed onto one of the poles in front of her, her eyes feeling heavy. She tried not to think about how she had fallen on Lucas’s lap only a few hours before, or any of the other times for that matter. In the end, her heart won over the battle with her thoughts, and she stared at the priority seat.

_“Hi. We were just talking about you. You used to go out with my friend, Maya.”_

_“I’m Lucas,” he said, a smile on his face._

_“I love it!”_

A dull pang in her chest struck as more memories played in her mind, each one leaving her with more sadness than she thought possible in her little life. Riley felt frustrated; why couldn’t Farkle have just kept her secret? Why did her stupid feelings have to get in the way of everyone’s happiness?

Why did Lucas have to make it so hard to push him away?

_/I loved, and I loved, and I lost you/_

Several minutes passed before she got off at her stop, and she reached her house. She didn’t want her mom asking questions, so she climbed up the fire escape.

Riley locked the window behind her, knowing her friends would try to talk to her, and threw the curtains across the bay window.

She brought her knees up on the bay window. The bay window had always been Riley’s safe place.

At that moment, it was the last place she wanted to be.

_/And it hurts like hell/_

She grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her chest, letting out the tears she’d been holding in for the past two months.

And for the first time in her life, Riley Matthews had no hope.


End file.
